Where your character is committed to a drastic or extreme change
Two hours waiting in line…joking and laughing with friends…not thinking about what’s next. Feet hurting from standing for so long. Sweating from the humidity…or maybe from nerves and anticipation.
The sound of screams and machine-like mechanisms are getting louder and louder as the next step approaches. Looking back at all the faces who will also go through this experience…this test of will and bravery. They all have varying expressions but share the same look in their eyes every few minutes when the screaming goes through its cycle.
One more rotation of the system, one more cycle of screaming and clunking. Last chance to give in, to let the scare win.
Climbing in now, sitting and looking back at those wondering faces. The anticipation has reached its peak. Seat belt tight, bar moved back into position. Rolling forward, slowly.
‘Clunk…clunk…clunk…clunk…clunk…clunk’
Climbing out into the sunlight, higher and higher. Looking side to side at the landscape getting smaller and smaller. Everything is in sight now. Nearing the very top, clinching the bar, rolling over the peak…
“Ahhhh!!! Whoooo!!!” Screams are flying from the short train of cars as we zoom down the hill.
‘Bang’ to the right, ‘Bang’ to the left, up and down over the whoop-de-does, racing up through the corkscrew, around to the right, small climb to another peak, then whipping down and to the left, then right, one last big turn…
‘Screech’
The line of cars slows abruptly and creeps back under the canopy. Stopping and exiting the to the other side making room for the next set of roller coaster riders.
copyright Uncle Tee Books
Friday, July 3, 2009
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4 comments:
That was a damn fine bait and switch. I was all ready for horror to ensue. You crafted a good misdirection there, really led me down the garden path.
Mine own:
http://eclecticchair.wordpress.com/2009/07/03/fiction-friday-getting-committed/
Ha you got me! I was waiting for something bad. Nicely done.
Good trickery, Uncle! Clever writing from the start. Loove it!
see mine at :
http://anandserpi.wordpress.com/2009/07/03/my-beloved/#comments
BANG! And that’s how its done folks. Describe a perfectly normal situation exactly as it is – but set the expectations with tiny nudges – not lying or outwardly misdirecting them – but suggesting that you are talking of something else. Beautifully done. Living 40 mins way from five major theme parks, I knew exactly what you were talking about – having endured these lines endlessly in the last few weeks with my kids.
Many apologies for my tardiness on giving feedback – I have been without the internet for a lifetime – a fortnight. Visitors can find my FF for 3rd July here - http://annieevett.blogspot.com/2009/06/your-essence.html
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