Monday, June 14, 2010

[Fiction] Friday - June 11, 2010

[Fiction] Friday: Include this in your story: “I wish he’d knock on my door instead……..”

I heard his footsteps coming down the hallway; I’ve learned to recognize the sound of his walk strolling toward the door.

It was Friday night, date night. Every Friday he would come to wine and dine my neighbor across the hall and every Friday I’d watch in envy through the peephole in my door.

I wish he’d knock on my door instead of hers. She was always so rude to this nice sweet man. He is handsome and tall and he always stands in front of that door and checks himself over before knocking just to be sure he looks his best.

I don’t know why he bothers. She’ll open the door like always and snap at him about something and then just leave the door open and disappear into her apartment, leaving him standing there to enter on his own. And every time she does he’ll lower the beautiful arrangement of flowers he has carefully presented to her down to his side, slouch a little, step forward and shut the door.

Except today was different. He wasn’t dressed as neat as he usually was and he was wearing a baseball cap, but I know it’s him. He slowly stepped in front of the door and reached into his pocket as he looked left and right suspiciously. He pulled out a key, slid it into the key slot and slowly rotated the doorknob.

He crept in the slightly open doorway and then turned to look out as he closed the door quietly. As he did I saw his face surface from the shadow and his eyes focused right on the peephole as if he saw me looking at him.

I quickly jumped back, startled, forgetting that the door was between us and he couldn’t possibly have see me watching.

As much as I hated that woman for treating him so badly I couldn’t sit back and ignore that look on his face. I called 911 and then waited at the peephole.

A single police officer came down the hall and knocked on the door about fifteen minutes later. The usually dapper man opened the door and answered a few questions until the officer asked what was behind his back.

He ignored the question and began to attempt to close the door. The officer blocked his attempt and began to go for his gun. He didn’t get very close to it though as his body came thrusting backwards toward my door.

I jumped back, saw the whole wall shutter and light began creeping in around the frame as the dust floated and hovered around it. Then I heard the rhythm of shoes racing down the hall becoming quieter by the second.

I opened the door and the unconscious police officer fell backward into my apartment. I peeked out the door and looked down the hall.

There he was staring at me from the end of the hallway, our eyes finally meeting. He looked at me as if he knew I had been watching and knew how horrible the woman across the wall was. For a moment I was lost in his stare until the officer started to come to.

I looked down at the cop and then back the end of the hall. He was gone and it was the last time I ever saw him.


At least I thought it was the last time I would ever see him.

“ohh…” the officer moaned as he rubbed his battered skull.

“Are you okay?”

“Not really…I think I busted a rib.” He replied wincing from the pain. “You live in this apartment?”

“Yeah…looks like I’m goin’ need a new door though.” I replied with a bit of wit, trying to make him feel better.

“Did you see which way he went?”

“Who went?” I asked.

“The man who did this. He was in that apartment, I asked him a few questions and then he kicked me like some kinda’ kung fu master.”

“As far I know just a woman lives there.”

“Did she run too?” He asked.

“I haven’t seen anyone else.”

“Anyone else…I thought you didn’t see anybody.” He remarked staring at me trying to see if I was lying.

“Should I go look?” I said trying to distract him.


He called for backup from the hand radio mounted to his shoulder. Soon after several more cops entered and taped off the hallway. EMT’s loaded the injured officer onto a gurney and confirmed his busted rib.

“Stand back ma’am.”

The coroners’ team came down the hall with another gurney and entered her apartment.

“Is she dead?” I asked.

“Please just stay back ma’am. The situation is under control.”

“I just wanted to know…” I started to say as they rolled the gurney out of her apartment with a body bag loaded on it. “Oh no.”

“Hold it.” An officer called to the man pushing the gurney. “Ma’am, do you know the person that lives here?”

“I’ve seen her but I’ve never talked to her.”

“Her ma’am?”

“Yes the woman who rented that apartment.” I answered confused by his question and with an awful feeling suddenly in my stomach. “Wait, who is that?”

“Well he didn’t have any ID so we don’t know.” The officer answered.

“Wait, he?” I jumped over to the body bag and tore down the zipper before they could stop me.

It was him. The nice neatly dressed well-mannered man. How could this be? Was that her at the end of the hall in disguise? Why would she do that? Why would she kill him? What the hell is going on?

Thoughts of utter confusion and anger clouded my mind as the coroner and officer pulled me away from the gurney.

“He was supposed to kill her! She was the evil one! She ruined everything!”


Anonymous said...

You have created an intriguing mystery to ponder here, all from the perspective of the peep hole. Such a narrowed point of view, but from it comes a clever tale. Very clever.
Adam B

Anonymous said...

I want to know more. Was the neighbour in? If so what happened to her? Where did he get a key? You can't end it like this...

Walt said...

This was an interesting story. You left me wondering what he did to the cop and what happened with the neighbor.

John Pender said...

Seriously - I want to know more too! I imaging the cop received a shotgun blast to the chest and the woman is dead as well.
Great job keeping the reader wanting more.

Laura Rachel Fox said...

I'm in the same boat as your other readers. You may have to widen your point-of-view, but I really want to know what happened on the other side of the neighbor's door. Show us some action, please?

You have the suspense down pat!

Nona said...

He stared at her from the end of the hallway...will she recognize the sound of his footsteps when he strolls up to her door?
Need to know.

MeMe C said...

Excitement and suspence...I Love It!!!

Uncle Tee said...

Thanks to everyone for glad you liked it. By popular demand I added a "chapter 2" after the asterisks. Tell me what you think.

Anonymous said...

Uncle Tee I love chapter 2. You didn't disappoint. It was brilliant. Such a great twist, I got so excited when the policeman said 'Her ma’am'

Unknown said...

defiantly leaves us the reader wondering what has happened and begging for more.

visitors can see my piece at

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