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Friday, May 21, 2010

[Fiction] Friday - May 21, 2010

[Fiction] Friday: A boy and his father awaken early to watch the sunrise from their mountain campsite, but they begin to panic when the sky remains dark long into the afternoon.

“Hey buddy. Rise and shine.” My father whispered to me as he shook my shoulder.

“What time is it?” I asked him in a groggy voice.

“Shhh. You’ll wake your mother. It’s um…it’s 5:15.”

“Doesn’t she want to see the sunrise too?” I asked.

“She said not to wake her. She’ll see the next one…c’mon.”

We slowly unzipped the tent and crept outside. To our surprise my mother was sitting at the picnic table. Her forehead was leaning on the palms of her hands and her legs were bouncing slightly on her toes.

“Mom? I thought you were…”

“Oh thank God you’re up! Something is not right here.” She said as she got up and grabbed a hold of my father. “You two…I couldn’t wake you! I tried to but it’s like you were in a comma or something.”

“What are talkin’ about? You’re not making any sense…slow down and tell me again.” My father asked, trying to calm her.

“I couldn’t wake you. I decided to watch the sunrise with you guys…but…I kept trying and shaking you both and making noise but you just wouldn’t wake up.”

“Well, I feel fine, he’s fine…I guess we were just really tired. Besides, you couldn’t have been trying too long, the sun hasn’t even come up yet.”

She looked at my father with scared eyes and said, “That’s why I’ve been freakin’ out. It should’ve come up by now!”

“It’s not even 5:30 yet.” I said grabbing at my fathers watch to show her.

“PM! It’s 5:30 pm! You two have been out all day!”

“What!” My father asked as it sank in.

“I tried calling 911 but the cell phones don’t work. I yelled for help but no one answered.” She continued.

She was right, I went to the tent and got my dads cell phone, nothing.

“But that’s impossible…how can that be?” My father said looking at his watch and then to the sky. “Why didn’t you drive to get some help?”

“I would’ve but…” She started.

“The car’s not working either?” I asked.

“No…the car runs but the GPS doesn’t work and I don’t know how to get out of here…the nearest ranger station is probably an hour or two away…even if I did know where I was goin’.”

“What are we goin’ do?” I asked in a very concerned voice.

“Wait! You hear that?” My mother asked.

“Hear what?”

“Shhh. That. Listen…don’t move.” She said and held up her hand.

“I don’t hear anything…can you dad?”

“Ahh! You don’t hear that?!? It’s horrible!” She yelled as she closed her eyes tight and blocked her ears with the palms of her hands.

My father tried to grab her and calm her but she was too tense.

“Make it stop! K-cha! K-cha! K-cha! K-cha! Can’t you hear it?” She screamed, repeating the sound that only she could hear louder like a train approaching.

“Dad! What’s wrong with her? Can you hear any noise?” I yelled to my father over the wailing from my mother.

“K-cha! Gt-cha, Gt-cha, Got-cha, Got-cha, Got ya!” She hollered laughing.

“Got ya? What?”

It took up a minute until we realized by the way she was looking at us that she set this all up. She changed my fathers watch, took the cell phone batteries out and we never bothered to check the GPS in the car.

“You should’ve seen your faces. I couldn’t do it anymore…I had to spill the beans.” She said, still laughing.

7 comments:

Walt said...

I liked the angle of it being a practical joke. Nothing like having a prank played on you while out in the woods, miles away from other people.

Thanks for sharing

Chris Chartrand said...

Well played, sir. Very well played indeed. That's hysterical. You got me too. Fantastic!

newtowritinggirl said...

I was wondering if you were going to lead where I led to. Glad you didn't - that was a funny ending!

Shelli said...

Very nice! I actually thought when the mother started hearing things that she was crazy. I love the gotcha ending. Fun!

John said...

Well done! I was expecting something along the line of The Langoliers, but the practical joke threw me for a loop.
Love it!

afullnessinbrevity said...

A nice twist to a very freaky situation.
Adam

Christine Mattice said...

Very clever. I was getting the creeps all the way through (until the ending). I thought you were leading up to an alien abduction or something. Quite a surprise ended and well written.

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